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"Over and over grandparents have whispered to me, 'Don’t use our name, but we bought their house' or 'We pay their rent.'"

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Title : "Over and over grandparents have whispered to me, 'Don’t use our name, but we bought their house' or 'We pay their rent.'"
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"Over and over grandparents have whispered to me, 'Don’t use our name, but we bought their house' or 'We pay their rent.'"

Writes the "60 Minutes" correspondent Lesley Stahl in a NYT op-ed about grandparenting.
[M]y generation is spending more money on our grandchildren, 64 percent more than grandparents did just 10 years ago.... One reason we pioneers have become the family piggy bank is a generational inversion: It used to be that the middle-aged took care of their elderly parents; more and more it’s the other way round....

Many of us want a second chance. As working mothers, we carried around bales of guilt because we felt (or were made to feel) we weren’t there enough for our kids. We know what we missed out on, so we’re making up for it by pouring not just money but also time into our grandchildren. My daughter likes to remind me how much I loathed taking her to the park. As a workaholic reporter in Washington covering the White House, I would push her on a swing and read a research paper at the same time. Today I love taking my granddaughters to the park, playing tea party, sitting on the floor with them coloring. My attention is all theirs.

Most of the grandparents I know are like me: We’ll do anything to hold those babies. We’re the babysitters who beg to come over, an offer that’s hard to refuse since we don’t charge a dime....
Stahl purports to love this, but she doesn't mention that she is —though we know, and it's obvious — quite rich. It's easy for her and her friends — the "Don’t use our name, but we bought their house" people — to make up for the income insecurity of the younger generation. But what about more average aging boomers? Stahl blithely describes their financial well-being like this: "Grandparents get their monthly Social Security checks; many have paid off their mortgage; and large numbers remain on the job, earning money."

I've read so many articles over the years about Baby Boomer women who are burdened with working, taking care of their children, and taking care of their aging parents. Now that we are older, we're still working, taking care of our aging self, still taking care of our children, and — if we're lucky enough to have any — taking care of our grandchildren. But, Stahl tells us, this is wonderful, because we must have extra money and time, and we must have developed a taste for caregiving, even if we were the sort who "loathed taking [our own children] to the park."

Stahl acts like she's laying down her "bales of guilt," but isn't she imposing guilt on her fellow boomers? Yikes! I was supposed to pay their rent?! I shouldn't have asked for tender care; I was supposed to be giving it? No attention for me; my attention is supposed to be all theirs?

And what's with "bales of guilt"? "Ol' Man River" starts playing in my head.
You an'me, we sweat an' strain,
Body all achin' an' rack'd wid pain,
Tote dat barge!
Lif' dat bale!
A cotton bale weighs 500 pounds. It's lift that bale, singular. Not bales. Even that poor, suffering African American stevedore only lifted one bale at a time. And he had to tote that barge. I'm sure Lesley totes barges. I'm being totes a jerk here now, I know. But making fun of Lesley Stahl is child's play. It's a tea party. It's sitting on the floor coloring.



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