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Title : "I suppose you could say that I became the world’s oldest, tallest, bearded stewardess."
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"I suppose you could say that I became the world’s oldest, tallest, bearded stewardess."

Said Donald Bain, quoted in his NYT obituary, about his idiotic 1967 book "Coffee Tea or Me?" Bain, who died at age 82, wrote all sorts of things under various pseudonyms (including the "Murder, She Wrote" series, as "Jessica Fletcher").

I was 16 in 1967, and I remember "Coffee Tea or Me?" being a best-seller and all the leering jokes about "stewardesses." It was the humor of the segment of the older generation that considered itself sexy. Of course, I didn't read the book at the time. At the time, I would have read books like "The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are," by Alan Watts.

But I was curious enough about "Coffee Tea or Me?" to put it in my Kindle. It made me think of Harvey Weinstein and the way he initially reacted to the allegations against him by saying, "I came of age in the 60’s and 70’s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different. That was the culture then."

Sample passage from "Coffee Tea or Me?":

You make up your own mind whether your captain really does have the right to all your services. Captains realize that the longer a girl flies the line, the harder she’ll be to conquer. Stewardesses who’ve been around will generally have latched onto one particular captain or have acquired other interests. So those on the make stalk the new girls....

It was on Rachel’s third flight that she was introduced to the “manual flush” routine so popular with cockpit crews where a new girl is concerned. It was a light flight and dinner had been served when the little light flashed in the galley indicating that service was needed in the cockpit. It’s an unwritten rule that the junior girl handles the cockpit chores, unless a senior girl has something going up front. This day, Rachel was the one. The other girls had evidently sworn off crew members for the week and simply pointed to Rachel. She nervously pranced up the aisle, fluffing her dark hair and straightening her skirt. The flight engineer patted her fanny as she slid by him, a gesture Rachel assumed was normal cockpit procedure. Besides, she wasn’t about to be labeled a square so early in the game. She stood silently, in back of the captain’s right ear, his head just reaching her chest....

“That little button in front of me, the one farthest away, activates the manual flushing operation. Every twenty minutes, I want you to come forward to the cockpit and flip that button. You’ll flip it and hold it for forty-five seconds. Got it?” “Yes, sir.” “Better give it a try now, Rachel.” The only way Rachel could reach the button was to lean over the top of the captain’s head. She strained to get her finger to the switch, her breasts melting comfortably around the captain’s ears....

Most new stewardesses are put through the manual flushing routine. Some come back to the galley cursing the captain. Some, embarrassed, say nothing. Some can’t wait for the twenty minutes to pass. Good thing all Rachel’s attitude was that it could have been worse. Another favorite trick is to hoist a new stewardess up into the overhead coatrack before passengers have begun to come aboard. The crew then sits and watches the girl try valiantly to get down, tight skirt and all.

She wasn’t about to be labeled a square so early in the game....

The book has illustrations. They're like this:

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