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Title : "So why is there such reluctance to have children with Down syndrome?"
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"So why is there such reluctance to have children with Down syndrome?"

Asks the bioethicist Chris Kaposy in "The Ethical Case for Having a Baby With Down Syndrome (NYT)"

One explanation shows up repeatedly when parents recount the early days after receiving their child’s diagnosis. They feel a sense of loss because they no longer dream that their child will get married, go to college or start a family of their own one day — in other words, that they will not meet the conventional expectations for the perfect middle-class life....

Perhaps the question to ask is: Why do we have children at all? Most parents would agree that it is not only so that they can replicate a conventional arc of a successful middle-class life: college, marriage, real estate, grandchildren. If those are the reasons to abort fetuses with Down syndrome, they seem disappointing — they are either self-centered or empty in their narrow-minded conventionality....

Kaposy proceeds to embrace reproductive freedom and to put the right to choose in terms of choosing one's values. His last sentence is: "If you value acceptance, empathy and unconditional love, you, too, should welcome a child with Down syndrome into your life."

That idea goes beyond the simple problem of choosing (if you're a person who believes you have a choice) to give birth to a child you know has Down syndrome. There is also the more complicated and harder to perceive problem in a question that Kaposy asks but leaves mostly unexplored, "Why do we have children at all?"

Kaposy gives that question a pat send-off: "Most parents would agree that it is not only so that they can replicate a conventional arc of a successful middle-class life: college, marriage, real estate, grandchildren." What are "most parents" thinking when they decide (if they decide at all) to devote so much of their time and work and money to the human stranger that is their future baby? Isn't it something close to the replication of a conventional arc of a successful middle-class life? If it's "not only" that, it's because they want an even better life for that child, understood mostly in terms of worldly success.

Of course, the conventional idea of a successful middle-class life involves acceptance, empathy and unconditional love flowing from the parents toward the child and the child toward the parents, going on as long as any of them are alive. That too is self-centered and conventional — a kinder, gentler self-centered conventionality.

But you may not get what you're picturing, even when you believe you have a right to abort and choose to have that child. We don't look very critically at our mental picture of the unborn child, which is much more idealized when we aren't facing news that the child has a disability.

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